I try to avoid putting the more “emotional” aspects into this blog, but here goes, my “hope reserves” took a huge hit with losing Drew, and this is a big factor. I try not to dwell on things and for the most part I’ve always been successful at this in my reletively young life. This however is a bit different of a story because this project is a big part of my inner life – I constantly think about it – so Drew’s passing is a constant presence due to the huge link that still exists. Not only losing a friend, but also losing a sounding board, a constant source of feedback, praise, criticism, and many aspects that were a constant back and forth which gave me much energy and sharpened planning and goals. It was basically a guarantee that this project would get good art, that I would get more than I asked for in terms of the visual and the game world, that my good ideas would be enhanced and bad ones questioned, that new ideas would come in – and be supported by a great degree of dedication. I was living in a dream come true and for the most part I was aware of this, I did appreciate it and still do.
Now I find it hard to make decisions on the future of the project because I’m not sure if artistically I can do (eg: get the art to support) the things I want, so it is sort of this negative presence that I have to shake to continue in a more determined and forceful way.
The project is continuing and will do so, but it would be stronger if I had a better sense of direction. I hope that I’ll read this entry in the near and distant future(s) and see it as another challenge that I overcame – the challenge is always internal – I believe that I (and humans in general) have a lot of the tools we need – we just have to use them.